Why I choose not to avoid conflict 

Initially, avoiding conflict might lessen stress. This may be true for the moment, but when conflict is avoided it builds. The build-up of bad feelings can lead to resentment. Then the likelihood of an explosion increases and often results in hurtful ways of handling problems

Usually most of people choose to surround themselves with like minded people that can cause an echo chambers, a phenomenon that become viral lately in our social media.

Echo chambers aren’t that fun. It’s okay to surround yourself with like-minded people with similar interests, but that can also be stifling. How can we grow?

Life’s best lessons and experiences often come from those outside of a person’s immediate circle. I’ve grown the most spiritually and professionally by being told “no” or “did you consider…” or “how about…” by different people in my life. There are different ways to react to someone who counters you or pushes you in an (at first) uncomfortable direction. IMHO, if the contradiction comes from someone who’s relationship you really value (like a life partner), it’s probably worth considering.

I personally experienced that while I feel better avoiding at the time of the conflict, I don’t feel better the next day.


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4 thoughts on “Why I choose not to avoid conflict 

  1. I don’t like make conflict with “person”, because i will be the one who get the guilty feeling (despite i am right or wrong). But at least i will give him less respect then

  2. Kalau tanpa nyampein apa-apa ke orang (I consider it as a ‘positve conflict’) terus ambil sikapnya –> ‘But at least i will give him less respect’, jadinya malah ga fair bukan sih mba ke orang yang bersangkutan? tiba2 aja sikap kita berubah tanpa kasih kesempatan untuk ngobrol

    Aku kenal seseorang yang aku consider sebagai mentor, dia orang padang dan di mereka dibiasakan untuk ‘berdiskusi’ sejak kecil. ‘berdiskusi’ ini menurut mereka menjadi hal yang biasa, tapi di pandangan aku (sebagai orang jawa) udah setengah berdebat –> I consider it as not avoiding conflict

    Kata beliau sih emang budaya nya orang jawa emang untuk melayani, semacam sendhika dhawuh kali ya, sedangkan orang2 pada lebih ke pejuang dan pedagang, jadi mereka selalu siap untuk ‘berdiskusi’ tadi.

    • Ya istilahnya lebih ke penilaian yak, ga terus tiba2 berubah sikap tapi lebih kayak bagaimana bersikap menghadapi dia. Misal udah tau orangnya suka bikin masalah, jadi kan lebih baik ya ga usah banyak berurusan.
      Nah aku setuju sekali nih dengan budaya, ga hanya budaya, tapi pendidikan dalam lingkungan terkecilpun itu juga ngaruh banget ke bagaimana orang tsb di luar nanti. Ya contoh nya kayak yg kamu bilang kalo orang padang nganggap ngobrol begitu biasa aja, tapi org jawa lebih ngerasanya berdebat. Jadi kalo mau objektif sebenernya sih perbedaan kita sama orang terjadi karena kita berasal dari lingkungan yg berbeda, saat kita paham asal muasal itu mungkin kita bisa lebih paham pula dengan bagaimana dia menyikapi sebuah kondisi.

      • bener banget mba, ntah apa aku yang terlalu terespose dengan issue ‘global citizen’ jadi aku nganggep budaya orang jawa yang terlalu ‘halus’ (cenderung avoid conflict) kurang relevan di jaman sekarang.

        kapan balik ke indonesia lagi mba?

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